I hated the idea of marriage. I’ve seen so many fail. And I always thought that just dating forever, and living together, and having a family would be enough. I used to think it was a waste of money- an entirely pointless union.

I used to smoke a lot. Well, ‘a lot’ is up for debate. It would be casual, with friends. And then the more the headaches came, the more I smoked. I would go to the alley behind my house and sit there, and then play halo right after and go to sleep.

I used to drink. Not a lot. There was a time when it was rare that alcohol wasn’t consumed on a weekend for me. However, in small quantities. And then when it was with my greatest friends, the people I trusted above all others, I would get completely wasted. I’ve got some funny stories, let’s just say. And I know my liquor.

I used to cuss. All the time. It was a form of expression. I didn’t care who it was to and I never noticed how much I did it, until I stopped. I had forgotten the vulgarity of it all.

I had never forgiven my mother. Or myself, and my own part in my parents divorce.

I didn’t forgive my ex. For what he did. I don’t even think i fully have sometimes. Its a work in progress, i suppose. I hate how what he did has affected every relationship I have had since him. His memory taints my head. And now I have the biggest trust issues ever.

Maybe this is personal. I don’t really care. It’s just one of those days.